So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
