she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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