would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
