Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
