remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
