She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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