I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
