47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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