D3 body, D1 cock
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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