escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
