We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
