just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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