: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
