Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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