im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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