mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
