wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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