Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
