Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
