he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
