I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
