Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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