how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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