Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
