So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
