peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was born a porn star she said
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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