I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
