I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
