Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
True college students do jello shots in the library
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
