Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We have started to decorate penises.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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