I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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