I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
