ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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