I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
