it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
