we have officially lost it.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
