You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
