Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
