you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
