end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
