I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
