While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
