You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
