Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
