Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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