So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
