Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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