sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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