i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's shark week go big or go home
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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