I queefed so loud it echoed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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