dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
