No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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