I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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